Can't You Be Mine
by midsummersky
Summary: Draco thinks he might be gay, but after discovering things don't go the way he want.. do they? - First fanfic - Drarry - Slash - Title may change later!
1. Chapter One

So, here's the actual first chapter of my first fanfic! It may be a little short.. But oh well.

– I **don't own** anything related to Harry Potter.

* * *

I have always been that kind of person that never got much attention. As a little child, my father was, according to him, always visiting someone who seemed to be called Fudge. Mother told me once he was important to Fudge, and that's the reason he was not home very often. Frankly speaking mother wasn't any better, although she was occasionally commenting on father. She would bring me to King's Cross on my way to Hogwarts, have dinner with me and kiss me goodnight at most, so that the maids constantly had to keep me busy and stop me from tormenting our peacocks. Due to that I spent most of the days in my room reading every thin book I could find; I didn't like reading that much.

At Hogwarts, though, I would hang around with friends to get rid of that lonely feeling. But as soon as I realised caring wasn't exactly the same as loving I felt awfully alone again. I've never been really loved in any way. Parents busy, relatives didn't come visiting us a lot. And that stupid Harry Potter. That bloke obviously thought he was utterly cool, wearing that ugly scar on his head. _The Chosen One._ I sighed. Since my very first year at Hogwarts I thought he would brag about his 'oh-so-famous' past, and because I couldn't just let that prejudice/grudge against him fade, I've always hated him. At least, I thought so.

xox

Starting my fifth year I was sharing a compartment with Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy and Blaise as usually. We talked a lot and laughed at Pansy's terrific imitation of that Mudblood Granger in class. While the hours passed and the blue sky slowly became yellowish, I got a bit tired of chattering about school and money. I leaned my head against the cool window and dozed off a bit as the others started eating again, but kept my eyes open a little. From my place in the compartment I watched people walking across the aisle. Marcus, one of the Patil twins, a bunch of girls (I didn't know what House they're from) and Potter and Weasley. The two held still in front of our compartment; Weasley shook his head and said something to Harry who walked on. He himself turned around and sauntered back to their part of the train.

"Guys, I'm going out to walk a bit. Need the loo." I stood up, left our compartment and attempted to follow Potter, which wasn't needed, because he had suddenly vanished and I heard someone stumbling in the train's toilet, just one compartment away. Patiently I waited outside until I heard him flushing and he opened the door. Potter seemed surprised, probably because I was on my own.

"... Malfoy?"

"Oh, never mind. I – just, eh, needed the loo," I stammered as Potter slowly closed the door without looking away from me. He slightly raised an eyebrow.

"You did?"

And before I realised it he had already left. Weird enough I didn't know why I followed him, nor I did why I had been thinking of him all summer break long. He wandered around in my head, pretty much like a stalker, and I couldn't seem to get rid off him. It almost felt like I missed him somehow. I sat down on the toilet and locked the door to shut out any weary student.

It felt like hours passed while I sat there, but when I opened the door it was still sort of bright outside. I sauntered back to the compartment where Goyle and Blaise we trying to play wizard's chess while Pansy watched and Crabbe was eating a slice of cake.

"Oh, you're back. What took you so long, honey?" Pansy said looking up.

"There was a queue outside on the aisle."

"Queue? Didn't know everyone always needed the loo at the same time," Goyle chuckled lamely.

"Me neither," I replied whilst I sat own on the couch. I felt tired because of nothing and I didn't know why.

As the journey slowly went by, and the sky faded to dark blue I only gazed out of the window. Apparently my friends didn't feel like trying to get me out of my mood, so I just let my mind drown in my thoughts. At some point I must have fallen asleep, because my peaceful and amusing dream about Potter suddenly stopped when I felt a painful poke in my arm.

"Yo, Drake. We've arrived in Hogsmeade."

My eyes flicked open immediately: "You git! I had such a nice dream and you screwed it up!" I shouted angry at the culprit.

"Uh well, sorry then, but it really seemed like you were fast asleep," Blaise said surprised and frowning.

"I was, until you woke me up!"

Moody I got off the train without waiting for the others and searched for an empty carriage. I had that dream on my mind. It just looked so real, and for some reason in that dream, we weren't like rivals at all. More like... lovers? _In no way_, I thought while frowning. _But, he kissed me..._ Not fully aware of what I did I stepped into a carriage, but the first thing I heard was not really what I expected to hear.

"What are _you_ doing here?" an oh-so familiar voice said contemptuous.

I had stepped into the wrong coach, containing none other than Potter, Weasley and Mudblood. Unwillingly I felt an uneasy heat creeping up to my cheeks; I was blushing.

"I can't even "friendly greet you?" I scoffed, and I quickly got off, entering a real empty one. As soon as it started to ride I buried my face in my hands. What was I acting all weird? Spacing out, accidentally entering a carriage containing Potter and certainly dreaming about that lad was so not Malfoy-like. I heard raindrops starting to fall outside, but I didn't look up. When I finally felt it held still I dared lifting my head and stepped outside.

"Oh my god, there you are! I've been searching for you, darling. You were suddenly gone!" screamed Patty's voice suddenly in my ear, only 6 feet away from me.

"I needed some time to myself," I told her closing my eyes. I started walking along with the other students through the gate to the Great Hall. The crowd pushed me towards the Slytherin table. I looked around for no reason, but then all of sudden my eyes crossed Potter's.

He looked straight back.

And he smiled a modest smile for no reason.


	2. Chapter Two

Yes! The next chapter's finally on! *celebrating* School and writer block's were mainly part of the delay. Anyway, enjoy :3.

Btw, please point it out to me when you see a typing/spelling or grammatical mistake!

- I **don't own **anything related to Harry Potter.

* * *

The next days I was mainly busy with stalking Potter whenever I had the time to. I didn't remember when I ever thought it was a good idea, but so far neither him nor anyone else out of the golden trio had noticed what I was doing. The point was that I had asked myself several times the reason why I was doing that, and I couldn't think of a logical answer. It annoyed me, because since it was me, there always should be a logical cause.

And then there was that smile he put on a few days ago. Since when did someone from Gryffindor smile at me? And more important: since when had I come to care so much?

One morning I skipped Herbology with the excuse I was ill, to follow Potter after breakfast. He didn't went to class or outside with Weasley and Granger, but headed towards the second floor, probably the library. It was obvious something was on his mind, bothering him. I quietly kept a distance between me and him, hoping he hadn't seen me yet. Actually everything went really smooth according to intention... or so I thought. He held still in front of a shelf categorised as Famous Wizards and Witches, not showing the slightest hint of being aware of my presence...

"Why are you following me?"

It was so sudden he scared the hell out of me and I yelped, even though I was standing five feet behind him, looking into another direction.

"Is that any of your concern, Potter?" I replied whilst walking over, agitatedly because of the fact that I was discovered.

"Well, since I'm the one who's being stalked, yeah, I guess it is. Let's try again. Why are you stalking me, Malfoy?"

Oh, no. Again I realised my head was travelling from reality to fantasy, only by saying my name. There was a haze rapidly speeding through my mind, and I felt my brilliant masterly remarks slipping away.

"I don't know," did I whisper bluntly. That must have sounded totally goofy coming from my mouth. Without thinking twice I marched out of the library, back to my common room.

xox

"Ten points from Gryf- ah, Mr Malfoy. Come in, please. Take a seat."

I glanced around, searching for free spaces in the back, but the only one available was, of course, next to Potter today. Reluctantly I sat down and swiftly took out my book, and cauldron, whilst shooting Potter a quick look.

"As I was saying, ten points from Gryffindor for interrupting my explanation. Now, open your books on page ninety-four. This will be the potion you'll be brewing today..." Slowly Snape's voice was drifting away into nothingness, turning into nothing more but a soft echo. Then it turned into whispers calling my name, hands grabbing mine, and my legs taking off the ground... I didn't remember when it turned into a dream, but I did feel someone hitting my head with an unpleasantly hard object and I was suddenly wide awake.

"OUCH! POTTER!"

Potter lowered his copy of 'Advanced Potions Making' and spoke with a clear voice, "I'm paired up with you."

"Why?" I sleepily raised my head from my arms.

He snorted. "Beats me. I'm getting some water for the cauldron."

As I watched his back moving over to the water taps I unconsciously considered myself thankful, that he hadn't brought up this morning's incident. Yet. While my hand searched for my bag I'd thrown on the stone floor I saw Potter from the corner of my eyes walking back to our table, his cauldron filled with a reasonable amount of water.

"Living Death, by the way," he said curtly.

"Huh?"

"We're brewing the Draught of Living Death today, and since I suck at Potions I think you should do most of it. And don't "huh" me again, _Malfoy_. You're bloody irritating," Potter said agitatedly.

"Ahw, poor Potter can't cook his water himself… Alright, alright! You don't have to scold at me all the time!" Such a weird thing for me to say, since we always automatically get irritated with each other. I started flipping pages until I reached the right recipe and checked the ingredients.

"You. Cut the wormwood, git."

"Now, look who's the brave bloke here."

And then it happened. His hand reached for the knife, but so did I. The very moment I felt his warm hand against my cold skin, my heart jumped up. My stomach made a looping and it felt like I stepped on a dissolving stair step. Potter immediately withdrew his hand.

"Cut your wormwood already. I'm getting my own knife," I murmured awkwardly.

The remaining time in class went particularly fast as I put the right ingredients in the potion, stirred the from lilac to transparent potion, kept my mouth shut and left as soon as I could when class ended. Halfway the corridor I changed my mind though and slowly turned around to once again stalk the Chosen One.

He must have known I followed him again, but this time he chose the "I'm-totally-ignoring-you" behaviour. We ended up in the Transfiguration courtyard. There was a nice breeze, and for a change the sky was half blue half clouded today. All the benches were occupied, so I leant nonchalantly against a tall tree with my arms crossed and watched Potter having a talk with Chang from Ravenclaw. It quickly turned into an argument though and with a slap on his cheek the conversation ended abruptly.

For a split second I thought, or maybe hoped Potter ran up to me, but when I looked over my shoulder I realised it was just Chang leaving him. He seemed to ignore me, and only noticed me when he clashed against my shoulder. I almost stumbled one step back and suddenly looked him fully in the eyes, only his stupid glasses separating our faces. A glance in two pupils and widening eyes. Then we both turned around and walked in opposite directions. _He's developing feelings for me, definitely. And my stalkers behaviour is probably the proof_ _of an upcoming crush, or maybe even an already real one. But even if that were the case... The grudge against him..._ My thoughts whirled around in a vortex as I got back inside.

"Draco!"

Heard running feet behind me I stood still and a second later Blaise slapped me on my shoulder.

"Oh sorry! Where've you been after Potions? It's lunch break."

"None of your business. Bugger off."

Indignantly raising an eyebrow he walked away with an offended marching pace, leaving me alone and quite pissed off too. I was changing and I at the moment didn't feel like talking to anyone, except for him. That one I had been hating for all of my life.


	3. Chapter Three

First; excuse me for my incredibly and almost inhumanly late next chapter. I had the gist already written, months ago, but I didn't know how to continue. So in the end I just thought it'd be a nice shortie as a filler.

- I **don't own** anything related to Harry Potter.

* * *

Slowly I started to run until I reached the first boys lavatory I saw. Panting from that sudden dash I held still after I locked myself up in a toilet and came out when I had calmed down a little. Contently I walked over to the sinks. I looked in the mirror, in the anxious grey eyes. I never thought of this; I had never expected this to happen. I never even thought it could happen to _me_, Draco Malfoy, a noble and dignified member of the Malfoy family. No matter how much I'd like to deny it and convince myself I was still the same; it was useless. Absent-mindedly I tapped the porcelain with my fingers. I wanted no one to know about this, neither my father, nor my mother, and definitely not Potter.

xox

As I entered the Great hall next morning I got the nasty feeling everyone was secretly staring at my back, but I might've just imagined that. I felt like a sealed box, containing huge dangerous content no one ever should get to know.

"Drake! Wassup? You look like a zombie, you know. The dark eye thingies,"

"Just haven't had enough sleep last night, so do me a favour and shut up, Goyle. My head's pounding like hell." Turned out I didn't really had to say that. They showed no exceptional interest today and continued nibbling on their toast. Only Pansy scooted over to greet me with a cheesy "good-morning, sweetheart!", but I pushed her away, sat down at the table and shot her an annoyed look.

"Go away!"

"Whatever you want," she said offended.

Whilst watching her walking to the other side of the table I saw Potter having breakfast alone. No Weasley and Granger. That was unusual. _Maybe I should approach him, since there aren't many people this early yet.. _But I quickly got that thought off my mind. Bad idea. Even a dumbass like Goyle would notice that me nonchalantly sneaking off to Potter sitting alone, so I forced myself to remain calmly sitting and eat in silence with only my headache for company. Last night I couldn't seem to sleep well. _He_ wasn't only stalking me in my thoughts, but had also found a way to infer with my dreams too. I had to admit I actually found that seriously pleasant, but this was a little too much of the good. Thinking of him; fine. Fantasizing about him; fine. Dreaming about him; fine... if those dreams wouldn't wake me up halfway the night. The worse thing was, I wasn't the best student in class, and father would definitely hear about it if I were to be punished just once.

By the time I returned to reality I noticed all my mates had suddenly disappeared off to class. Brilliant. Habitually I looked around and I caught sight of Potter again, still alone. _Now was my chance._ Most people were done eating, I was alone, so was he. I think I was still wondering whether I should do it or not when my legs were already walking over without telling me. To the Gryffindor table. Coming closer I saw him nibbling on a piece of toast, staring outside. I sat down, a little awkward, and the lot a few feet from him away immediately shot me an overload of nasty Gryffindory looks, as expected.

"Hi."

Potter turned his head. "Er... Hi?"

I saw the same green irises as yesterday, not filled with astonishment though but sadness, leading me to not remembering what I was doing anymore. He looked at me, despite that, quite expectantly and sort of indignantly surprised.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done this."

I had spoiled one of my rare chances. And that was me, avoiding a confrontation and leaving him dumbfounded.

xox

The rest of the day it annoyed me that I had run away, and the fact that I turned every offer of hanging out down, consciously and unconsciously, annoyed the hell out of me. Only one week had passed since the start of the new year. As time passed and October approached September the days became vaguely shorter, the nights longer and my mood darker. Only Snape noticed that, but I ignored that and thus did he.

I started skipped all classes involving Potter. Not because I was lazy, but because of the skin touch during potions. It had lead me to change my daily pattern. Wake up, ignore everyone, dress yourself, watch Potter eat. Alone. In due course it appeared to me he did that much more and more. On a particularly rainy evening a few days later I discovered why. I saw him talk a bit with Finnigan whilst dinner, looking to his right and leaving the Great Hall early. When I tilted my head I saw Weasel and Granger sitting together. Snogging. There was never really moment when I had taken interest in his companions, but he always hung around with Weasel and Granger, everyone knew that. And even I could conclude that it obviously hurt him quite a lot.

For a moment almost considered standing op to follow him again, but this time I forced myself to stay put. He looked like he could use a peaceful evening. Hell, what was I thinking? When did I ever start being nice to Potter?

_When did I give in?_


	4. Chapter Four

Actually I had written this... as the very first chapter. (I know I'm weird, sometimes random chapters start writing themselves in my head.) Ah well. Chapter four presented, I don't think I can keep up with this story for much longer..

- I **don't own **anything related to Harry otter.

* * *

When November arrived I couldn't stand the pressure anymore. Within a 10-minute walk I approached the Owlery. I sat down in the doorway and waited until Potter would arrive as well. That morning I overheard him talking about something he was going to mail after dinner, which means he would need that owl of his, Headpig or whatever it's called.

There was a cool wind meeting my hairs at the moment he came in. Standing two steps away from me with an envelope in his hand, he looked at me with an emotionless expression and raising one eyebrow.

"Malfoy? Get out of doorway," he said annoyed. He lifted his leg to step over mine, but I stood up swiftly and blocked his way.

"Now what?"

"I - can't let you pass," I said breathlessly.

"Ah. And why not if I may ask?" Potter asked suspiciously.

"Because... I need to tell you something. Seriously."

Green met grey. I presumed he realised I didn't intend to attack him with swearwords this time, because after that he sounded a lot calmer.

"All right. But can you let me through first? It's quite important."

I stepped aside and let him pass. I watched him calling the snowy owl and attaching his letter to her paw. Then she spread her wings, flew away through one of the open windows and Potter watched her go in the outset of night, before turning around.

"You wanted to tell me something? I actually thought you'd be here to hex me."

"No, I'm not," I said quickly while walking to a window near him. "People always think I want to hex them," I sighed slightly bothered.

"Doesn't surprise me. You're a Malfoy after all."

"Thanks," I sneered, instantly switching back my old self again. "I'd almost refuse to tell you."

"'Kay, I'll leave then -"

"Don't!"

"Then just say it! I'm getting impatient."

"Right, right!" I turned around and gazed out the window. Gathering all my courage I took a deep breath and started to talk.

"I know we haven't been very good friends and stuff..." ("Not really, indeed," Potter mumbled.) "... But I think I kind of, you know... regret it. I think I'm changing."

Silence fell. I couldn't see what he was doing, and actually I didn't really want to, afraid for his reaction, so I glared down at the glistering dark lake afar.

"You.. think you're changing? What do you mean by that?" Potter's voice spoke not-understanding behind him. I remained silent for a little while, not knowing how to say it.

"Uhm, well. You probably know I've been dating girls a lot since the first year, but it wasn't that serious. Just for fun. It didn't feel right. So I've been thinking, and thinking..." I turned to him and looked him in the eyes which stood out in the dim lit space.

"I think I am gay."

"You like me?" he asked after another short pause.

"I like you," I stated quietly.

"Well.. obviously, that one surprised me," Potter said. I nervously laughed, and his mouth fell open.

"Uh, you just laughed, Malfoy."

"I know, Potter," and I neutralised my face.

"No, what I meant was, it saw it was a real laugh, nothing mean behind it. Oh Lord, Malfoy has a real laugh, and quite nicely too..."

"Shuddup!" Once again I turned around and gazed into the darkness again. Somehow I felt strangely relieved now that I'd freed my secret. Another wind came blowing in, and it felt like it took most of my worries off me. After that sudden kind remark I didn't really know what to say, so I just said nothing. I felt him staring at my back and then walking over to lean out of the window next to mine.

"Y'know," Harry started on a more serious tone, "I've been thinking too... We could be good friends. If we didn't hate each other so much already."

"Are you saying I hate you?" I snapped indignantly.

"I thought you did?"

"Well then... you've got it wrong."

The green met the grey again, right before my lips met his._ I kissed him_. My brain went blank, and there was only one thing in the world that really mattered now. Nothing compared to what was happening. Hogwarts could collapse, and even my father could be assed.

_I was kissing Potter! The Harry Potter I thought I'd been hating for practically all my life up 'till now!_ As I slowly closed my eyes, I felt him freezing a little. Maybe from the shock, but within a moment I felt him returning the kiss, slightly opening his mouth. Only subconsciously my arms wrapped themselves around his waist. Then Potter suddenly pulled back from the kiss and turned looked down at his shoes.

"What did you do," he whispered, touching his mouth.

"I - followed my instincts," I replied silent, unintentionally feeling guilty.

"It was wrong... I'm not gay. I mean, I don't really now if I am, but if I were I certainly wouldn't fall for you, because I think I'd have a different taste in gu-, I mean girls, right? And it wouldn't surprise me If I wasn't gay, because I've been dating Cho Chang in the past and Ginny now, and even though they aren't both the perfect girlfriends I'm pretty sure that -"

"Shh." I softly laid a finger on his lips to shut him. Having not done anything like that before I didn't really felt comfortable with acting the way I did now, but for some reason it seemed all so easy with Potter.

"Now hearing the way you're babbling this nonsense, and feeling you kissed me back... makes me definitely think you're at least bi," I said with a faint grin. His eyes widened, but within a moment his expression saddened again.

"I'm sorry... but I'm not." And after mumbling that he hastily ran away from me.

I could hardly believe what had happened. _We had just kissed, and it felt damn brilliant,_ stated a part of my mind. _But it's Harry damn Potter,_ shouted another part angry. I didn't know how exactly to feel, probably sad, but also glad because I was seriously convinced that he was bi. And maybe scared for his reactions towards me. Scared that I could never get him out of my head anymore.

Out of frustration I slapped the windowsill and the rough stone left the palm of my hand bleeding.

"Shit."


End file.
